Re: Your Halloween outfit. Because you're, like, so important

Paris,

Every year on Franklin Street girls spend money going to sites like BuyCostumes.com to purchase the most sluttiest "sexiest" costumes known to mankind. The "sexy"Mad Hatter. The "sexy" FBI agent. The "sexy" stereotypical white trash wife. And you know what, Paris: It's all been done before.

Just like this "sexy" policewoman.

I hope you didn't pay over $100 for the outfit, because it looks like you can buy the whole outfit for one dollar per item at the Dollar Tree.

I know you're not known for originality, but if you must impress the paparazzi, I suggest you wear what your boyfriend's wearing.


A hippie priest/flasher? Now that's a great idea for a Halloween costume!


Penny Woods

(To X17: I'm not that guy with that ugly pink blog, and yes, I took the photos via ONTD, but I'll take them down if you want me to because, well, I'm not that guy with that ugly pink blog.)

Re: That kimono

Janet,

I know you've had some sort of a strange Asian, uh, "fetish" thing for several years. The "If" video, the need to incorporate Asian imagery in every tour since the janet. tour, the fact that "China Love" was inspired by a past life reading...We get it, Janet, you like Asian culture.

This publicity stunt in Japan, however, is taking it too far.

The kimono does not say to me that you are promoting 20 Y.O. in Japan. It says that you either

a) want to be Stella the Storyteller of Barney and
Friends (You know, there was this one time when Stella came through her magic door to the Official Barney and Friends Elementary School (R) [when they still had an elementary school] in a kimono and claimed she "visited" Japan. I'm amazed that she didn't "claim" the Japanese didn't pelt her with
something that's not available in the States just yet, like portable oxygen.), or
b) are spending too much time on your Asian fetish.

I suggest that you and Rivers Cuomo start a group for people like you two and call it Celebrity Asianoholics Anonymous. Together, you can fight the scourage that is the addiction to Asians and Asian culture.

I still love you,


Penny Woods

(Pics: YBF, Ms. Special)

Dear America,

I am going home for fall break today. Will return hopefully to the internets on Sunday with more letters.

Penny Woods

Re: Your appearance on Vh1 Hip Hop Honors (2006)

Kimberly Jones,

I don't know what I was doing to completely forget that you were on Vh1's Hip Hop Honors, but I caught part of it while I was doing nothing on the Internet.


I liked what you wore to the show.

Too bad it took jail for you to wear that sweatsuit (methinks).

I'll keep that in mind if you ever lose the weight and show up on Go Fug Yourself anytime soon. I'll be sure to send you a year's supply of Popeyes courtesy of Beyonce. You know she doesn't want to be caught with a bucket of that stuff unless she wanted to look like the Stay-Puff Marshmallow Man in her next video for B'Day (which will double as a commerical for Ritalin).


Penny Woods

(Pics: Vh1.com screencap, Ms. Special)

Re: You're broke!

Dear Brandon Davis,


The most viral gossip blog ever invented, TMZ.com, reports that you went to dinner with Linday Lohan recently.

Aww, how sweet. You've apparently been forgiven for those stupid "Firecrotch" comments and what you said about Lindsay being broke with seven million in the bank.

Oh, wait! It's been recently revealed that a check you gave to the guy who created the Girls Gone Wild video series bounced! And you also owe money to some guy that smokes a shitload of weed and the Palms casino! No wonder your folks are doing everything they can to get free money now.

I feel bad about your hair. You can't pay for the grease that keeps your hair nasty and black.

I've got an idea! Instead of your family and you begging people that actually work for their money for money, why don't you do something with your life and work for Soft-Sheen Carson? I'm pretty sure that one canister of Sportin' Waves can sustain your nasty-ass hair for six months.


Penny Woods

(Pics: DListed, Ms. Special)

Re: Press Play

Dear Diddy Sean Combs,


Sorry it took so long to respond. I have a life to live. I can't be dissin' people all day, you know.

I've heard Press Play.

I think the cover art and CD insert artworkof the album doesn't exactly fit the music.


Press Play will not inspire nude women around you. It will not also inspire anyone to grab any woman's crotch. Hell, it won't have the same effect as a Marvin Gaye, Barry White or Isley Brothers record.

I think you should have used these pictures for the cover art and inserts of Press Play.



You know he's going to kick your ass in the afterlife because you're using his legacy to sell your shitty records, right?


Penny Woods

(Pics: theage.com.au, crunk and disorderly, sicksack.com, thehiphopworld.com via Wikipedia, Ms. Special)

Re: That "famous model"

Dear sweet, crazy Tyra,


Something is really bothering me, and I vowed in my head that I was not going to talk about ANTM on my blog again unless something like this happened and I actually cared to talk about it, but I've given up. And this time, it's about you.

We all remember this. You getting Naomi Campbell on your talk show and forgiving each other about the bitchiness in your past. And then you introduced your, um, "Seven Deadly Sins of Sisterhood:"


Yet on tonight's episode of ANTM, you referred to your problems with "a famous model" (or whatever you said to try to conceal what you meant to those hapless Cycle 7 girls) in your past.

Bitch please. We all know that you're talking about Naomi.

I would brush it off as just another Tyraism, but you already did this when you made the Cycle 6 girls walk in those platform shoes.

I think you're suffering from one of your commandments: resentment for not being Naomi and not having the guts to whack Mr. Jay in the head with a bejeweled Blackberry for being annoying and from being so...orange.

So, my dear, sweet Tyra, I have three bits of advice for you to finally have to guts to stop referring to Naomi as "that famous model" and finally get over that period in your life where Naomi allegedly abused you.

• Write: "I will never speak ill of Naomi again" on a chalkboard 100 times.
• Licence this song to play when the models get eliminated.

• Wear this shirt to work someday.

Yours,


Penny Woods

(Pics: from Rich's "Spazzy Tyra" video, The Tyra Banks Show website, T-Shirt Log, MS Special)

Re: That baggie in your purse

Paris, honey,

Your publicist is really grasping for straws, isn't he?

He's claiming that this is not, in any shape or form, pot.

[H]er publicist Elliot Mintz insisted: "Things are not always as they appear. It would be unfair to draw any conclusions based solely on these photos."

I don't know about your publicist, but anyone who dresses like this


has to be Edina Monsoon or on pot. And last time I checked, your real name was not Jennifer Saunders.


Penny Woods

(Pics: A Socialite's Life, The Superficial, MS Special)

Re: What BET wants to use to bolster traffic for BET On Blast

50,

You're starting beefs again because you need to bolster G-Unit's sales (or so I assume). That's nice.

You think Oprah is a "middle aged white woman." Then you turn around and claim Kanye West is gay.

That's ironic. It's long been speculated that you are gay.

I hope this never happens to you, but I have a bad feeling that one day you'll be found in New York hanging out with all the homothugs. How you will explain that to the press, Oprah and Kanye is up to you.

Penny Woods

Pics: (50 Cent Online, MS Special)

Re: Your Rolling Stone cover article

Fergie,

Finally got a chance to read part of the article you did for Rolling Stone.

I think the sheer horror of seeing you grace Rolling Stone made me forget that you also did an interview with them.

You finally admitted that you were on something when you did this.

The cause? Being buzzed and having no time to use the restroom.

Thing is, we already knew what caused that incident already over a year ago, honey. Try harder for Rolling Stone next time, okay?



Penny Woods

(Other pics: ONTD, MS Special)

Sorry about the printed post (which has since been retracted). Having photo troubles right now with Blogger. I'm still trying to resolve them.

Penny

Re: Your attempt to help promote your girlfriend's album

Seriously, little man (if, indeed, it is you, little man),



If you're so desperate to help your girlfriend sell records...

YO YO YO!!!!!! WHATS UP YALL DEF JAM IS TRYIN TO DO EVERYTHING IN THERE POWER TO MAKE SURE JANET DOES'NT GET #1. WE NEED YALL MORE THAN EVER TO GO CRAZY WITH YOUR EBLAST, BLOGS, WORD OF MOUTH AND MOST OF ALL CD PURCHASE I WANNA THANK YOU ALL FOR HELPIN JANET HAVE A GREAT FIRST DAY BUT NOW ITS TIME TO SHOW ALL THE HATERS AND THE INDUSTRY HATERS THAT SHES STRONGER THAN 1 DAY THAS WHAT MOST OF THE HATERS ARE SAYIN THATS WHY THEY HAVE THOSE BULLSHIT PROJECTION I BELIEVE THEM TO BE WRONG AND WITH YOUR HELP OVER THE WEEKEND WE CAN REALY SHOW THEM WHEN I ASKED FOR YOUR HELP WITH COM YALL PUT HER AT # 1 AND SHE WENT BACK THIS WEEK SO IF WE GET THE # 1 ALBUM SHE'LL HAVE THE #1 R&B SINGLE, ALBUM,AND THE TOP 200 YOU NO HOW MAD THAS GONNA MAKE PEOPLE LOL

then at least learn how to spell and take the caps lock off of your keyboard.

WHATS UP YALL WE OUT IN VEGAS FOR THE JJ ALBUM RELEASE PARTY TONIGHT AT TAO FIRST WE GONNA HIT THE MARIAH CONCERT THEN WE PARTYIN ALLNIGHT ITS FEELIN LIKE WE WILL HAVE THE ..1 ALBUM NEXT WEEK BUT I STILL NEED YALL THAT JUS GOT PAID TO GO COP THAT 20YO IM HEADED TO THE CASIO TO TRY TO GET ME SOME MORE MONEY LOL I KNOW YALL WILL SEE THE PHOTOS FROM THE NIGHT IF NOT UMA POST SOME NEWAY IM GONE UMA HOLLA TOMORRO

And you're a record executive?

Penny Woods


(Pics: jermainedupri.com, MS Special)

(Quotes from SOHH Blogs)