Re: "The Zoo"

Dear Robert Kelly,

It's bad enough that you're doing appearances and making records left and right when you haven't exactly proved that you're not a child molester.

Recently you did a concert in Madison Square Garden where you unveiled the song "The Zoo."

Thematically, it sounds like "Ignition," "You Remind Me of Something" and any other song that you've done concerning sex and household objects.

Here are my suggestions for future songs you can do when you don't actually want to make a song that's overreliant on turning household objects into sexual metaphors. Take it or leave it.

• "Lightbulb"
• "Dipstick"
• "Lock and Key"
• "Hole in One"
• "Blow-Up Doll"
• "I Thought You Were Married/Why Aren't You Thinking About Your Kids?"
• "And Your Wife To Boot"
  

Penny Woods

(Pics: MTV.com, MS Special)