I have a few questions for you:
- I'm not comfortable calling you Madge, but I don't want to call you Madonna and I don't want to go the Vadge route, so what should I call you other than a wanna-be Brit?
- You really don't have a good cameltoe. Can you wear stuff that covers it up more often? I mean, you're, like, five years younger than my mom (almost exactly...my mother was born five years and a day before Madonna) and my mom doesn't try to wear spandex, so why are you wearing it? Think of your children!
- Your new video, "Sorry," scares me because of the cameltoe and the severe airbrushing in the video. May I suggest you hook up with Prince, who doesn't look as bad as you do?
Look, I still like you and all. I hate this new album you put out, but I still like you, unlike that hypocritical, hateful branch of "Lambs." I own Like A Prayer and The Immaculate Collection, and I'd love to get Bedtime Stories and hear what you did with Bjork. But can you be easy on at least my eyes, please?
P.S. I really don't believe this ad for "Sorry" radio adds. I mean, can you be more modest than this?
(Photos: my own screen capture via AOL Music, MS Special, all about Madonna)