Tuesday, April 11, 2006

Re: Hugh Hefner's birthday

Paris, honey,

Just saw this. You disappoint me while disgusting me with you skinny praying mantis-like frame. Honestly I feel one of these days you're going to eat the head of your boyfriend. I'll get the obituary ready.

If I tell you to stop singing or rapping or whatever, you will not get it through your skinny little frame. You'll just say "That's hot" and keep on doing it all while that guy that does the narration for The Simple Life describes my frustration with you. And then I'll get frustrated with him and knock him out with a bat.

Just stop, okay? Please stop. It's bad enough you make the Pussycat Dolls look like prudes.

And I don't mean just those singing Pussycat Dolls. I mean every Pussycat Doll that ever lived. I'll even throw in LaToya Jackson when she did Playboy and sang at the Moulin Rouge for good measure.

For the love of God, just stop trying to be famous for doing nothing but being a dumbass. Thank you.

Penny Woods

(Pics: Egotastic, MS Special)


Anonymous said...

Her boyfriend's name is Stavros. Paris is the old one.

Penny Woods said...

Well, I knew she had gotten back with one of her ex-boyfriends, damn.