Dear America,

I don't know how many people are still hoping I update this blog, but I feel I must for one important update.

YouTube has started cracking down on user accounts because Google is their bitch.

YouTube has yanked my account, the one that contained the video with Mariah Carey drunk and singing "Heartbreaker" (that was formerly seen in this post).

I have no plans of uploading the video on another site or through another YouTube account.

I apologize for this inconvience.

Penny Woods

Re: Letter of Resignation

Dear America,

As of today, I am officially retiring from this blog.

I enjoyed working on this blog for the past 11 months, but I do not have the desire to work on this blog any more. I really do not think I will come back to this blog, but if I do, I'll try to let people know in advance.

I'm sorry I had to end it like this. I apologize.

Yours,

Penny Woods

Re: The uproar in Philly

Dear "Artie,"

I heard that you gave the majority of Philadelphia a heart attack when you said a seven year-old sexually enticed a 40 year-old crackhead into having sex with her instead of accepting the belief she was sexually assaulted.

I understand how you feel. It must've been hard growing up as a seven year-old gigolo enticing the ladies with your sexually suggestive Michael Jackson moves growing up. No wonder you worked with Wendy Williams!



Penny Woods

(Pic always from Ms. Special)

Re: Those darn Aspen teenagers!

Dear Mimi,

Dahling, it goes without saying, but you shouldn't be talking to a bunch of teenagers while drunk (let alone drunk with a champagne flute in one hand).

Especially when one of them sneaks a camera in a (something) and the video somehow finds its way to a Portuguese-speaking person on YouTube.

Here's hoping Wikipedia doesn't change your biography just yet,

Penny Woods

(Video found at Cele|bitchy)

I really, really wanted to write about the stupidity that is the recent investigation of Tyrese beating up his pregnant girlfriend and Busta Rhymes being arrested for being a dumbass...again, but I couldn't bear to harm their fragile little egos this evening.

As you may or may not have noticed, I have (finally) condensed my blogroll. If you do NOT see your link up here and you would like to be added to this blogroll, go through the nightmare that is my Blogger profile and e-mail me. I accept most requests.

Warning: this is not an invite to send me your stupid spam e-mails telling me I should buy some godforsaken product or visit some commerical website.

Thanks,

Penny

PS: Regular posting (if there is any regular posting) will resume next week.

Re: Kids Rap Radio

Dear Matthew Knowles,



Few pieces of music have brought me almost to tears.

However, the samples on the Kids Rap Radio MySpace made me almost cry.

I'm not saying that your music is actually inspiring enough to make a difference in my life. I'm just saying that a innuendo-free version of T.I.'s "Why U Wanna" where a kid is "rapping" about snacktime is actually worse than anything the Kidz Bop franchise has ever put out. I am only happy to see you reach this milestone.

Congratulations!


Penny Woods

(Pics: the Kids Rap Radio MySpace, Ms. Special)

(Source: crunk and disorderly)

Re: Your twins

Dear Sean Combs,

I know most of the world has seen this video, but I've just seen it this morning. (My life in the past few days has been hectic. I've had no time to sit down and actually watch dumb YouTube/Myspace/whatever videos, let alone gossip.)



So one of your twins will end up jackin' classic '80s songs just like you while the other one will grow up to be an outlaw, or, even worse, a chopper maker. That's nice.

Penny Woods

P.S. Happy holidays to all my readers and happy new year!

Oh, and happy holidays to you, Mr. Combs. Don't get flattered, okay?