Dear Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences and whatever else is attached to that name,
Okay, okay, so I figured out if Brokeback Mountain wasn't going to win, Crash would. I'm not upset like those fine people that run A Socialite's Life and I'm not going to storm Barney's like the rest of the gay community. (I mean, I can't be that mad at a movie that has my imaginary baby daddy--Terrence Dashon Howard--in it.)
I don't know how to explain this.
Except thank God this isn't that lame Alanis Morrisette song from The Chronicles of Narnia or that song from Crash or that Lord of the Rings song by Enya that won a few years back.
P.S. Don't invite Jon Stewart to do the Oscars again, don't put Steve Carell and Will Ferrell in bad makeup and put Ben Stiller in a green suit anymore, and don't have those March of the Penguins guys accept any more awards for life. That is all.
(Pics: Oscars.org, Concrete Loop, MS Special)